7.17.2008

Onion? No.

On Wednesday, Barack Obama promised to shift our narrow-minded focus on Iraq to deadly "terrorist sanctuaries" in Pakistan.
He said it forcefully, folding his arms gently, as if to say everything is going to be just fine. And for a moment, you could tell that his audience felt the same way.
Something was in the air — and, in his forearms. Looking at them, it was clear that the senator has been working out more. His chest looks firm and he seems to have more definition in his rock-hard biceps. I bet he does preacher curls — free weights only, none of that Bowflex crap.
But that's not the only muscle Obama has been flexing. Earlier this week, he received a standing ovation at the NAACP convention, saying that blacks need to assume more individual responsibility.
When he took this stance, one word came to mind: courage. Also, quads. You couldn't help but notice how powerful they are. You can see the strength emanating upwards from Obama's strong calf and thigh muscles — the kind I could put lotion on, over and over again.
No doubt they are well toned by playing tag with his lovely daughters. Even the word "adorable" does not do them justice. Perhaps a word needs to be invented to describe something more adorable than adorable and then we can apply that to his daughters.
Until then, allow them their privacy.
But speaking of those angels, they must have been proud, when their father spoke to La Raza last Sunday. There he boldly said how disappointed he is in McCain's new stance on immigration. You could hear a piƱata drop it was so quiet, and the silence seemed to illuminate his hair, like a halo.
His sensibly styled mane seems to have been graced with a touch of grey, not unlike a younger Morgan Freeman, giving him an air of wisdom extremely rare for a man of such a young age. It's like he has all the experience of a John McCain, without the nasal hair.
This is a guy you could definitely have a beer with or marry or cohabitate with, if you're gay.
And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist.

3 comments:

Ben said...

You are correct, this is not the Onion. It is however, someone from Foxnews.com obviously trying to be funny, and not doing a terrible job I might add (that is, compared to most attempts at humor by Fox news-ish people). He plainly has the same beef you have with overly fawning puff pieces on Obama.

However I really don't get the headline to this post, it makes no sense to me given the context of your prior posts in this vein. Is this what you wish the Onion were doing?

Andrew said...

Oh my gosh this piece is satire? Talk about subtlety. I had no idea!

Andrew said...

The only reason I posted this piece is that I thought it again is demonstrative of the extent to which the media is in the bag for Obama. In order for Satire to be funny it must draw attention to a subject’s flaws in a comical way with the highest degree of subtlety the audience is able to perceive. That this humorist was able to turn the exaggeration to up to eleven and not achieve overkill should be taken as a signal that the media is buying into a facade they don’t want to tarnish rather than a real human being.